It is Monday morning. Many people are going to work or school. I have nothing scheduled this day (if you don’t count my walks with dogs and canine meal times which are sacred commitments so I guess I ought to count them). Having nothng scheduled is common for most of my days. It isn’t like an endless vacation though, any more or less than life with a Labrador generally is. At times I wonder if it is Friday or what day it is at all. Sometimes I feel some hurt at the difference in my world, and my past world and what feels like a majority of others’ worlds, as I am focusing on my health, basically professionally orphaned, in recovery from relational trauma, witnessing and focusing on being every day. I still have plenty of possibilities, and personal projects I could attend to, and stress. But I don’t have the pressure of a 9 to 5 or even the pressure and support of a global team and jet setting consultant schedule. I don’t have the regular hosting of clients, and admiration and requests of colleagues of various kinds.
People ask what I do.
It is not an easy question for me because there has been a lot of loss associated with this. To some I am unemployed. That is their paradigm. But I haven’t had a job-job for like 12 years. I can’t say I am a consultant or even a coach. It feels wrong to say I do nothing. I know it is contextual, but still…
What do I do? I write every day. I listen. I connect things. I create…create structure for my day. Become present. Focus on what matters. Discover my next life by living each moment breath by breath, step by step. I try to connect with people, encourage them, and share what is relevant. In general, be a helpful citizen. Go the speed limit. Let people merge. Hold the door. Be patient in line at the store. I walk my dog. I try to take care of our lives. Various activies and plans to help my physical and mental health. I help neighbors or friends when I can. I run with my dog daughter. I go to church. I meditate. I lead meditations or yoga with friends. I learn things. I follow up with people. I promote things, like the Responsive Conference, The Loop Approach, and hugs.
Why write? What is consistent? What is safe? What is empowering?
Writing is all of the above for me. I write to put out my disorganized thoughts, to shed light on the shadows or unseen thoughts of my mind, to rehash something that is still working through me. Mainly it is just a daily practice that I can do to add positive intention to my routine. Okay, I lied it is really a magical portal into as of yet uncreated realities.
What have I accomplished with this daily writing?
Why would I be so dedicated to do this thing every day with no goal and no measure of quality? Hint: it is because I want to, it is loving, it is about how being is a priority. It is a form of mindfulness practice because I witness, I give permission to be, to feel, with curiosity and compassion as I self express in writing.
Mostly I learn things about myself, though I believe it is a great help to our relationships, life goals, and work too, if we want it to be or need it to be. For these last 167 days or so it has been my only daily thing, aside from walking Liv the Lab.
- I chose me many times, proving to myself that I am there and can commit to something pretty much every day. It is an act of self care, full of intention and acceptance. I always have this space that I can go to.
- I have growing confidence to voice my ideas and further develop them. Or to let them go, with the safety of my venting, dreaming, drafting space enough for some of them.
- It takes energy to write. Even if I type. So it is building a skill, and creating a neural pathway. I believe it is making it more possible for me to make other commitments, to believe I can do other things, to achieve anything that takes even a bit of energy.
What does the streak mean?
- I think broadly which I can break down into specifics, it means I am consistent, I am safe, I am productive, I am empowered, and I can create something.
- I learned that I can do some things even with migraines and ptsd. In October alone I had like 7 migraines or so, some lasting multuple days. A part of me questioned my sanity when committing to the November monthly challenge.
- I can solve problems or rise to challenges, like maintaining my practice while not having internet or traveling to Europe for 10 days. Yes, I still don’t have internet. This required me to plan, prioritize, get creative, make sacrifices and push myself. (I don’t always feel like writing 750 words; sometimes it is a slog.)
Are you having a hard time? Are you sorting through something challenging or complex or emotional, even if you think it is positive? Are you desiring more intention in your day, self awareness, or pretty much anything? Want to build a habit? Then there is the obvious, which is do you want to write a book or maybe just write more?
The daily writing can help us clear our head, get distance with our thoughts, or just give ourselves space that no one else or nothing else will. I have probably said or written this before but we get to know our consciousness with this kind of unfiltered, private, regular writing. What is your daily mindfulness or other practice? What has it taught you? How are you getting to know your consciousness?
From there, I may brainstorm, craft communications, or make or edit lists. More on those in future posts.
750words.com is a free website that helps you write every day. What I really think is that it is a safe and magic space of creation, for whatever you want. I rely on the daily emails from the site checking in about my progress.